emilybefree

to develop and maintain realistic expectations for myself and the people in my life.

i will not start world war bajillion on the xbox/playstation/wii. i wouldn’t even know how to turn the thing on, much less rage at the people on the other side of the game.

rejoice in the suffering of others. no exceptions.

i will NEVER do anything to make the fire alarms go off, NEVER EVER EVER, because i understand the trauma of not knowing whether it is safer to be inside or outside.  

scream obscenities outside of your window at three am because i’m the sort of person who knows that, even on a friday night, it’s horribly rude.

i will always try to stay awake with the driver, even if there’s nothing to talk about.

even if they’re just popping in for a moment, i will always give you warning, roommate(s). i know it’s embarrassing for a bunch of people you don’t know to catch you in the living room in the middle of a dvd yoga session, especially when you look nasty and smell worse. 

leave chocolate sitting around unless it’s chocolate that i intend to share with whomever happens to pass by; leaving chocolate out on display without the intention to share is pure evil.

and i see you running to catch it, i will hold it for you.

i will never, ever drive thirty miles per hour beneath the speed limit on the interstate and hover in the left lane and completely block traffic.